If there’s one thing we’ve established at WAG Rankings, it’s that athletes have some pretty hot wives and girlfriends. A lot of the time we can understand why a super hot chick might be attracted to a particular athlete (I know you have a man crush. It’s ok.), but there are other times where all we can do is shake our heads and wonder WTF is going through her brain.

Exhibit A:

Heads turned earlier this year when it was announced that supermodel Adriana Lima had married Marko Jaric. In case by some chance you aren’t familiar with the pair, I’ll break it down for you.

This guy:

married her:

Let’s go ahead and get the initial reaction out of the way:

Ok, ok. Better now. It isn’t uncommon for an ugly athlete to marry a superhot girl, right? The girl is always just after the money or she wants to be famous. This is what we tell ourselves.

But wait one god damn second here:

Adriana is one of the highest paid supermodels in the world (out earning her husband many times over). She could have her pick of anyone on the planet — and yet she chose MARKO JARIC! SHE DOESN’T EVEN NEED HIS MONEY!!!

My head just exploded. How? Why?

Thankfully…

Someone Smarter than Me Got Paid to Study This

Thanks to the good people at Laurentian University in Canada for spending a crapload of time researching and writing this report. The following is based on (and quotes heavily from) it.

This is What They Did:

The researchers got a bunch of girls together and gave them a picture of a dude. Each girl received a description of the dude in the picture, but not all the descriptions were the same. Here are a few samples descriptions (mine) to give you the idea:

1. The dude is a star athlete & is well respected by his team
2. The dude leads the Young Republicans club and is well respected by the members
3. The dude is on a sports team but never plays because he is crazy horrible
4. The dude is an active member of the Young Republicans club but he’s really a Communist and nobody in the club likes him

The girls then rated how willing they’d be to have sex with the dude on a 1-7 scale. Not surprisingly, their responses varied depending on the description of the dude that was handed to them. The super-jock was by far the most popular choice for a mate.

Why?

The Decision to Mate is an Evolutionary One

Sexual selection (who you decide to sleep with) is very asymmetrical between the sexes. Comparatively speaking, sex is cheap for males. As such, females tend to be pickier when it comes to forming relationships.

Darwinian theory suggests that women base their decision to mate on a number of factors including whether the male would be a good parent, provide good genes for offspring, or provide resources (money) that can be used in raising offspring. They also take into account a male’s standing within a group, and how clearly they have established dominance.

I Have Good Genes! Why Do Athletes Still Get all the Chicks?

In regular day to day life, it is often difficult to gauge whether one man is superior to another man in terms of genetics (an ugly dude may be a genius), wealth (some rich people are thrifty, some poor people spend beyond their means) or ability (most people you see are just walking around — no real skill is exhibited). The only genetic quality that can be reliably gauged in everyday life is whether one man is more physically attractive than another man.

On the playing field, it becomes much easier to judge genetic superiority in ways that may be more valuable to the gene pool than simple sexual attraction. “Sport may provide a context within which females can gain information about male quality to inform this choice.”

Studies have shown that women are attracted more to athletes than non-athletes, and that good athletes have more sexual partners than poor ones. In fact, in all instances mentioned in the previously linked to report, “higher levels of performance were positively correlated with the number of partners.”

Team Sports Provide Better Evolutionary Information than Non-Team Sports

It has been found that females prefer athletes who participate in team sports to athletes who participate in non-team sports. Again, this is an evolutionary decision.

For instance, a good basketball player (like Jaric used to be) exhibits many behavioral traits that are associated with a good mate. IE: cooperation, likability, and role acceptance. A great basketball player will also have superior standing and respect from his teammates, giving a clue into the role he may assume in a family environment. “Individuals exhibiting these characteristics would likely be better parents and longterm mates.”

Conclusion

Get a cooler job.

Programmers are considered nerds not because programming is nerdy, but because only other programmers understand WTF it is you do all day. Adriana Lima will not be impressed by the elegance of that function. Sorry, man. Same goes for any of the sciences.

So if you want a girl like Adriana Lima, you had better be really good at something that anyone can appreciate, regardless of knowledge. Acting would be a good choice. Musician is pretty solid. And we know you can’t go wrong with sports.

Ain’t that right, Marko?